White Noise

 Ever since you were an infant, I've told you that I love you. By the age of two, you began to ignore that mantra, because you'd heard it repeatedly throughout the day, for 24 months straight. It was as common as breathing or the sound of wind. "Yes, I know... I heard you, dad. I know you love me."

Still I repeat, in case there were any doubt. I love you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. 

But let me explain the things I love the most:

1. Integrity

A great definition of integrity is "who you are in the dark, when nobody is watching." That's a scary thought sometimes... to be willing to ask yourself that question, and wonder if you'd be comfortable being fully exposed without fear of shame. In other words, you're the same person in front of someone as you are behind their back. 

When you were in middle school, playing the violin. It always confused/angered you when your classmates only pretended to be playing their instruments at the Christmas concert. You seemed shocked that people had the audacity to stand up there and be all dressed up and receive praise for something they weren't actually doing! You seemed to be the only one who put for the effort to practice and rehearse and then to actually risk the possibility of playing the wrong note. You were going to possess what you professed. You were going to be seen and heard, showing up when everyone else proved to be silent shadows. 

2. Discernment

The time and energy you spend before making important decisions, is the greatest evidence of your wisdom. There is a difference between being discerning vs being judgmental. You examine the evidence, and consider the outcomes. You weigh each possible decision based on the history and future of similar choices, and then you act accordingly. 

Once upon a time we sat together on a chair lift riding to the top of Snow King Mountain in Jackson Hole. As we stood together at the top, I could see your mind rehearsing the decision to venture into the descent down an icy mountain. I bought you a sticker for your helmet: "Hold on, let me overthink this." 

But the reality is, you intentionally take the time to process every inch of a decision. Ever since you were little, you were very trusting. When you learned about Jesus walking on water, I could see your eyes bulging out of your head... I knew that you could trust me, and allowed me to validate information on your behalf. But as you grew older, you began to critically analyze everything from politics to philosophy. You developed your own autonomous choices, based on the critical analysis of the information provided. 

3. Agape Love

Those of us whom you have chosen to love, are locked away in a special place in your heart. You love unconditionally (agape), and as the human heart is a literal muscle, you flex with all of your might. You have a small circle, and devote your time and energy to fully love. You have a big, forgiving heart... and yes, you will bleed mercy and you will get hurt at times. You will experience both risk and reward. But you will go to your grave knowing that you loved well. 

This is the greatest evidence of Jesus alive in your heart. He is living through you, in so many ways! You are selfless and unconditional in your distribution, and I pray that you truly experience the envelope of love that covers you. 

As you have been a recipient, you will be a redistributor. 

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Take My Breath Away

Last weekend was a busy one! You had David and Emery's wedding on Friday night, then an early morning Cross-Country event at Otsego. Then you had to rush home to get ready for the homecoming dance! It was a whirlwind of energy, and lots of stress... but I think you laughed for three days straight! You had so much fun at the wedding, dancing with your sisters and cousins, and you set a PR for the season in your Cross Country event. 

But the highlight of your weekend was getting ready for the homecoming dance. You asked Teresa to do your hair and make up, and then all of your friends went bananas, asking Teresa to do their hair too! Of course, Teresa obliged because she LIVES for this! All of your friends looked so pretty, and everyone was so nice and grateful and friendly! 

But only one girl stole the show. YOU!

You are so incredibly beautiful, and I love your big almond eyes, and your bright smile. I love the way you bring out the best in your friends. I love the way you make the people around you shine too. Jacob was all dressed up dapper too! 

    ("Hands Off!")

At the homecoming dance, you pushed him out on to the dance floor and he loosened up. You had so much fun with your friends, but your feet were beginning to hurt! You made an early exit and hosted a big after party... around 40 people showed up, many of whom were uninvited. But I guess word got out that it was the place to be. Some of the idiot guys were drunk, so you kicked them out and made sure they weren't driving home. 

I'm proud of you for setting a good example, making sound decisions, and trying to continue cultivating trust. I believe that God has incredibly amazing things in store for your future. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, and everything will work out accordingly!

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Why Do We Do This To Ourselves?

 The fall semester is back, and you're entering into your sophomore year of high school. We meet at our usual location, and reflect on your day. You scribble eventual answers from the key in the back of your impossibly difficult chemistry homework, and say, "I'm starving." 

So of course, you order a lemon muffin and bowl of soup.

Teresa and I are listening to Ashlyn describe the emotional rollercoaster of her day. Because 7th grade absolutely sucks. She finds herself suffering from "panic attacks" for no reason. You are listening, but you're not hearing her. You're absorbed in your chemistry homework at the dinner table. 

When it comes time for you to tell us about your day, you don't know where to begin. 

You get up around 6:00 and go to school all day. 

After school you have Cross Country practice.

At XC practice, you establish a self-initiated goal of running 10 miles. 

"10.2 to be exact." 

Up hills. 

Then rush home to take a shower.

Then dinner with family at Jackie's Place.

Then homework.

Then get dropped off at Young Life, youth group. 

I thought to myself... you are wayyyy more busy than I am! I can't imagine how exhausted you must be... Why do we do this to ourselves? What are these unrealistic expectations? 

To drive and push yourself to succeed and work harder, for what? To get into a good college so you can just rinse and repeat the same exact insanity? So you can get a "good job" and get paid lots of money so you can buy a big house and lots of toys, but you'll never have time to play. 

...................

I think you're starting to realize the rat-race, and the corporate demands are soul-sucking. You have ONE LIFE to live to the fullest, with no regrets. I don't care about your grades or your income. I care about your soul. I care about your walk with Jesus. I care about the condition of your heart. 

Please don't lose yourself in the chaos of unrealistic expectations. 

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Home Away From Home (Torch Lake)

 You once scribbled a poem called "Where I'm From", and it was all about your life as a teenager in West Michigan, and although you dismissed it as blah, I absolutely loved it! I was blown away by your creative writing, and I kept it forever. 

To be "From" somewhere, is to belong. 

And you belong here, home, with us... adventures and exploring and seeing the world! 

For the past few years we have a family tradition of spending a week up near Torch Lake, staying at a campground (Tiny Cabin) in Elk Rapids. We always spend a couple of days on the boat, where you have learned to Wakeboard and push yourself to try new tricks. Because of course you do! And because Cross Country season starts in two weeks, you've been waking up early to run six miles because whatever. You come back to the cabin with veins popping, looking all swole and fierce! Perfect timing to jump in a boat and hit the sand bar in the crystal clear waters of Torch Lake. 

We love driving around the Chain of Lakes - through each small town, with the top down in the Jeep! You love to explore small shops and bakeries, looking at trinkets and tasting homemade donuts and sweet cherries. You love to sit around the campfire and listen to stories and burn things because you are an arsonist at heart! 

One of our favorite stops is Barnes Park, to collect Petoskey Stones that have washed up on the shoreline. It's so peaceful and addicting! We all spread out and walk the shoreline, hunting for the hidden treasures in plain sight! The colors of the water, agains the sun in the clouds at dusk... it's like heaven on earth!

And every summer we are reunited with Hannah Johnson, whom has become like an adopted sister to you. She originally belonged to Mariah's friend group, but over the years she has grown quite close to you and Ashlyn as well. This summer, Mariah couldn't join us at the cabin, so assumed that Hannah wouldn't come either. But we were wrong! Hannah "absolutely!" still wanted to join us, and the two of you talked nonstop for three days! Long walks on the beach, sitting on the dock at sunset, and laughing on the boat... It was especially sweet because you thought she would only come for Mariah, when in fact - she is not your good friend too! 

While shopping at local gift store in Elk Rapids, you picked out a little postcard with a picture of Torch Lake at sunset, and the line of trees... it also included a little chain locket with a heart located in Northern Michigan. Because this. is. where. you. are. from. 

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Summer Blues

 Hello love. It's been a while since I've updated this blog, not for lack of things to write about... It's been one of the busiest seasons of our lives, as we have watched Mariah graduate, and then her open house, and now school is officially out, and summer has begun. 

Things are weird without Mariah here with us on the weekends. Admittedly, she usually came with ideas and energy and was super talkative with lots of stories. She was your best friend, and without her, it's so quiet. You are here, but often on your phone with Jacob, or you're too tired to want to do anything. There's also a sense of loss,  or sadness, in your eyes. I thought it was because Mariah had graduated and she's transitioning to college... but it's more than that. I realize now that you're struggling to feel accepted in your circle of friends at school. Even Emma has seemed distant. 

Last week we went to our favorite place on earth: Laketown Beach. But you had spent most of the day trying to hang out with a few of your friends. When you found out that four of them went to the beach without inviting you (intentionally!?) it broke your heart. You were so sad. So we walked all the way down the beach to the end and back, and I talked with you. I told you that I knew how you felt, because I was once the kid that got left out of the parties. I was always "outside the circle, looking in." 

Then we began to recall your blessings: You have the greatest family on earth. You live in the most desirable nation in the world. You live a mile from Lake Michigan, and people would kill to have access to fresh water, which you can drink from and swim in daily. You have a great boyfriend who treats you like a queen. You are physically beautiful, in excellent health, mentally superior to 95% of your classmates, and you have a Savior who has redeemed you for His glory! On our way back from the beach you decided to flip the switch from sadness to gladness! We had to stop on the way home to get ice cream at Captain Sundae! 

Then the next day, you packed up all of your things and loaded up into a bus and headed to Camp Castaway (Young Life) in Minnesota! A fourteen hour bus ride with all of your friends, deep into the forest. Jacob was going to be joining you as well. 

I'm praying for two things: 

`1. That Jacob will choose Jesus, and grow in his newfound faith.

2. That Ambria will feel at home in the circle of trusted friends who love her. 

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Dutch Dancing/Tulip Time (2022)

  It is a very beautiful thing - to be from a Tribe. To know where you've come from so that you can know where you're going. To have a sense of identity and belonging. To know each street, the bittersweet memories, and even that youthful angst to travel and flee. 

To be grounded. To know the secret handshake, and the synchronicity of the dance... This is where you are from, and although you may not stay here forever - here will stay forever with you.

This week is the first time that Tulip Time has been activated, after a two year hiatus via Covid. Some of your formative seasons have been forfeited, and now you're back into the swing of things, picking up where you left off, "Hiya!"

So the sun has finally returned, just in time for the spring flowers to explode. Green grass and wooden shoes and that familiar sound of wooden shoes tapping agains the concrete... You poured your heart out on the soccer field, only to rush downtown in your costume for Dutch Dancing. You twirled and kicked and smiled and almost fainted. We stopped for hamburgers and you sat in the grass. By the time we dropped you off at your mom's house, Teresa had to carry you to the door because you were literally too tired to walk. 

That's my Ambrosia I Tosia. 

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More Soccer Pictures!

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Setting and Scoring Goals: JV Soccer

This season you have continued to develop into a solid soccer player, learning all of the mechanics and fundamentals of passing, blocking, making runs, and finishing goals! It has been so fun to watch you gaining confidence in your dribbling techniques, and slicing through defenders at will. 

The last couple of games in particular, your team has gone back and forth with great shots on goal. Your team is actually winning, even without Ashley and Emma most of the time! I love standing on the sidelines shouting instructions and cheering for you. I love it when you get the ball because I know you're going to either develop a solid pass or unleash a good shot on the goalie. 

Last season I got the "Hype Man" award from your team! This season I just want to capture as much video for you as possible, just like my dad for all of my games. 

A few days ago we went to Jon & Sara's for the afternoon. We watched old highlight videos of Jon's season at West Michigan Christian. He went all the way to the state finals, and set the school record in goals, and we also watched some of my own highlights. You were inspired by the footage, and I could see your mind working.... wanting to play with the same passion and intensity. But more importantly, have fun!

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Sayulita, Mexico

 After three years of anticipation, we finally made the trip as a family to visit the ultimate fairytale; Sayulita is a beautiful,  little village on the coast of the Pacific. It is notorious for it's rich cultural history, amazing cuisine, and sunshine for months on end! The waves roll gently to the shoreline, and surfing is the favorite past time of tourists and locals alike. 

We flew separately from Teresa, Mariah, and Ashlyn. You helped to wheel me around the airport because my Achilles Hell was torn. Yes, I'd be on crutches the entire vacation... But you were a champ! You learned your way around the airport, learning to gauge the monitors and estimate time at layovers. 

Once we landed, we immediately loaded up in a golf cart and rolled through town. Music and dancing and Mexican flags and chaos and stray dogs and vendors and horns honking and the aroma of food grilling before your eyes... Look left, look right, look up, look back and see how far we've come from Hotel Casablanca!

Every morning you would get up and watch the sunrise, and the first morning the gate was locked so you propped yourself up on the ledge to watch the sunrise over the water... then suddenly the Security Guard (our Amigo, Nelson!) came to unlock the gate and you were crouched like a tiger on the ledge. He squealed and you had surprised him and laughed! 

Then we'd go get breakfast smoothies and reserve beach chairs on the beach. We rented a surfboard for the  entire week, and you wasted no time paddling out and riding into shore. I stood on the shore with my crutches and took pictures. 

On the second night of our vacation, we decided to volunteer at the local elementary school teaching English as a Second Language to the children in the community. You and your sisters were so gentle and kind to the little kids, and although you're an introvert who self-reports to have "no patience for kids", you did awesome!

Every night we would get dressed up and roll into town for dinner. We'd let the scent of whatever grill called our name lead us to the table on the street... indigenous dancers and musicians would entertain us while we feasted like royalty! We'd feed the stray dogs beneath the table, and order another round of epic tacos! All the while, you'd be soaking in the scenery... "Why can't America have this kind of culture?" and you'd be imagining living here someday.

"Okay, I have a plan." You said, as we walked through town... "Here's my idea: I'm going to move to Sayulita and open my own business. I'm going to bake homemade cookies and make homemade ice cream with a diversity of flavors for each. Then people can choose which kind of cookie and which flavor of ice cream they want to create their own homemade Ice Cream Sandwich!" 

This, of course, is genius!

On Sunday morning we went to www.sayulitabeachchurch.org and gathered with about 30 other ex-pats who'd moved to this town from the United States. We sang songs together and made new friends. I was invited to preach, so I talked about when Jesus called the first disciples and they were ordinary, unschooled revolutionaries! Later that afternoon, you girls joined Mindy (one of the families from church) and hiked to the top of Monkey Mountain! It was hot and exhausting, and you got in "18,000 steps"!

But our favorite day was when we all woke up and Teresa unleashed the plan of no plan - which is to say, we took a taxi into Punta Mita, a local fishing town. She walked down on the beach and bartered with a local boat owner to take our family out on the ocean to see the Marietta Islands (closed) and hope to catch a glimpse of whales migrating north. As we neared the island, our little fishing boat was unexpectedly awed by the sound of blowing Humpback Whale! We turned around just in time to see the massive whale rise in the way, exhale water from the blowhole, and slap its tail agains the surface of the water! Unbelievable! The moment caught us unprepared, and we whispered with our mouths wide open! For the next hour, we watched a dozen whales rising and sinking and rising and blowing and slapping and surfacing and we were caught in the vortex between heaven and earth!

Later in the afternoon you and your sisters joined Teresa - leaping from the boat into the cold water and snorkeling near the shore. You watched all kinds of fish and an octopus beneath the sea, living your fullest and truest life imaginable!

We spent the last couple of days surfing and getting properly sunburned and lots and lots of photoshoots on the beach. It was so great to see you and your sisters laughing the whole week, and building a bond that will last a lifetime. 

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Life Is Not A Sprint (It's A Marathon)!

 Wow, this whole Jacob situation has erupted in to a hypers-speed of future plans. You are literally head over heels in love with this guy, and just like everything else you do - it's 100%. "Dad, I don't think you understand, he's literally the best friend I've ever had!" And then you had a talk with Teresa about... marriage!??!?

Slow your roll bruh. You're 14. 

Obviously, I had to talk with Jacob - man to man. I took him out to the woodshed behind the house. I made him carry the ladder while I carried the machete. You heard that right. I climbed up on top of the shed and started chopping down some overhanging branches...

"Tell me about yourself, Jacob." 

He began to talk, nervously. I pretended like it's not big deal that I'm swinging a machete around on the top of the shed, directly above him. He told him that you are my best friend, and that I loved you first, and that I'm *very protective of you. I also told him that I liked him, and encouraged him to not ruin that. We went over the rules, and expectations. "Keep your hands off my daughter". (He held his hands up, as if he were under arrest". "Yes sir." He said. 

Since then, I've been able to observe you two together. He's remained respectful, and gentle with you. The three of us have gone snowboarding a couple of times. He started off really quick... great balance! Then he seemed to overthink it, and regressed. He fell a lot, but he kept getting up! But by the end of the day, he was cruising down Caberfae like a champ! 

You drove all the way home, adding to the necessary driver's training hours. Jacob must have trusted you because he slept in the back seat while we listened to music all the way home...

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