Forever, For Always.

That's you, on the left. You and Mariah used to waive to me from the front window of our little home on Canterbury Avenue every morning when I pulled out of the driveway. You needed to step up on the heating register, and hold yourself up on the ledge. In order to waive, you had to step back down then simply waive your tiny hands ... it's all I could see.

What you didn't realize then, was that you were flirting with my heart. And I was falling in love.




And then one day, we moved to Asheville, North Carolina. It was an opportunity for you to see the mountains and bond together. Our first day there, I took a selfie with you - my favorite photo-bomber!

Our first day in North Carolina, we climbed up to the top of a huge hill overlooking our new house, and I took this picture of us...




And then, a few days later we explored Craggy Gardens and the pinnacle at the top of the mountain. The views were amazing. You couldn't climb up the steep incline, so I carried you most of the way. I held you up to get a view of the surrounding landscape...





And I could have stayed there in that moment, forever for always.

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Just Love

A Walk to Remember

This afternoon we went to a private beach on the south side of Holland. While Mariah was at rehearsal for Annie, Teresa and I took you and Ashlyn to the beach. It was a beautiful afternoon, and although the water was cold, you and Teresa walked out into the water.

Ashlyn climbed on to Teresa's shoulders and gave her a Mud Massage. Meanwhile, you and I took a long walk down the beach and I took the opportunity to make up for lost time. You held my hand and I told you how PROUD of I am of your recent cast call for Chitty Chitty-Bang Bang at Holland High School.

Last week you called me all excited and said that you were going to audition for this performance. I responded with some reluctance because I was afraid that it would mean that you might not be able to go on vacation with us to Asheville over Thanksgiving. I am SO SORRY that I didn't sound more excited for you, and I should have let you know that I support you, and you make me proud.

I think you were jealous of Mariah getting all the attention, and when it was your turn, I wasn't as supportive. But tonight I realized that you need to be affirmed, and you are amazing all by yourself. So as it turns out, you needed to hear it from me, that I will be going crazy for you - screaming your name as you come out in the ensemble.

I told you that I wished I could see you every day. I miss North Carolina, when I could tuck you in every night. I miss talking walks to the Tire Swing, and seeing the horses. I told you how sorry I am for my contribution to the end of our marriage, and then you asked why we got divorced.

I explained that I made terrible mistakes and that I hurt your mom. I told you that I have a lot of regrets about lying and making inappropriate decisions. I also told you the truth that nobody is perfect, but that I am hoping that one day I will be fully forgiven. I asked you if you forgive me, and you said yes.

I will always be honest with you about my mistakes. I hope I can teach you that it's ok to mess up and I will still, always, love you. No matter what.

.....

When we finally picked up Mariah after her rehearsal, we all walked around downtown Holland. We stopped for Frozen Yogurt, and I took this picture of my four loves.

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