Seriously, Is There Anything You Can't Do!?

For the past several months, you've been working diligently at mastering the art of the violin. Yes, of course there were notes off key and scratches that sounded like a cat dying of leukemia. And yes, there were moments of frustration and disillusionment. 

However, you didn't give up. And by the end of the semester you were the best in your class. 

I remember something you told me that beautifully sums up the depth of your character. You said, "Daddy, can you believe it... there are some people who just pretend like they are are playing but they really aren't. They are afraid they will make a mistake!?" 

You were so upset about this. 

And it reminded me of when I was in 7th grade and I played in the clarinet 1 Christmas concert. I only knew how to hit 1 note! So for the rest of the concert I just pretended to play along, while everyone else carried the weight of the sound. 

I was too afraid. 

But not you. 

Finding Your Voice

Ambria, my shining star... Tonight you completely owned the stage. It was your first real performance in front of a large crowd, and you were absolutely amazing as "Mary Beth", one of Ralphie's friends in the fall production of A Christmas Story at Holland High School.

I remember sitting next to you at Holland Civic Theatre, when Mariah was crushing School House Rock. You admitted that you were a little jealous (although happy for her!) that Mariah seemed to get all of the attention. You watched Mariah take the stage in Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty-Bang Bang, and other productions... and you waited for you your turn.

Tonight, it was your turn. You had us laughing, captivated! Your facial expressions, dancing, and vocal dimensions were on. point. At one moment you locked eyes with me in the second row, and tried not to break character - still a smile formed on your lips. You knew I was proud. And then, in a flash, you snapped back into character and continued performing. Like a boss!

This has also been a great experience because the younger actors were paired with a mentor from the high school. And of course, Mariah was your bond. She helped you with notes, feedback, quick changes, and blocking. She encouraged you, and bragged about how well her younger sister was doing. Mariah also told me about how much fun she was having with you through the entire production.

I am sO happy that you are finding your voice. Your self-confidence has soared, and you are realizing that you are not just "Mariah's younger sister", rather - you are becoming your very own force to be reckoned with!

And most importantly, you are having a BLAST!

The Long Way Home

It had been a long day. You had school all day, immediately followed by a six-hour rehearsal for the upcoming production of a Christmas Story. I waited in the pull up lane outside Holland High School, and eventually you came scurrying out, carrying your bags, and your violin.

As soon as we pulled out of the driveway, you launched into a series of stories about "Schneider" and how he is so demanding and how people leave constructively critical "notes" evaluating your evolution as an actress. Mariah talked about being receptive to feedback, and how important it is to connect with the audience.

While you were talking, I began to get distracted by the intelligence in your voice. Although I tried to keep my eyes on the highway, I kept looking in the rearview mirror at the animation in your face as you shared your stories. I got lost in the moment... where has time gone? Who is this young woman? She is beautiful, inside and out. She is kind, and mature, and asking all of the right questions about life.

Then I told you and Mariah about the paradoxical danger of the stage. It is a blessing and a curse. It is life giving and soul crushing. It can become an addiction; the praise of men is hollow. I told you the old legend about a Desert Father who advised a young disciple to go back to the local graveyard and see how the tombstones are receptive to either praise or criticism; the obvious lack of response by the dead is an indication that they are completely unaffected by popularity or insults.

"You need to guard your heart, and create enough health in your heart to not let compliments inflate your ego, or criticisms to deflate your purpose." I told you stories of people lining up to pinch my cheeks and affirm my preaching as performance, but in the same breath they will curse me and turn away. It almost destroyed me.

When I pulled off the highway to our exit, Mariah asked, "Can we take the long way home?" I wasn't sure why, but you added, "We like talking to you, daddy." You weren't quite ready to end the conversation. You loved talking with your father. There was an intimacy in the journey, and a longing to know more.

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There is a story in the Old Testament about the Children of Israel being delivered from Egypt. After a bloody battle across the Red Sea, the Text reads that God did not lead His Children home to the Promised Land through the direct route (through Philistine Country) "because that was shorter..."

Did you catch that?

God intentionally took His Children through the dessert, because that was the long way home. And in the journey, they would learn to trust Him. In the struggle with doubt and despair, they would learn about the faithful provision of their Father.

Sometimes taking the long way home will test your patience. Sometimes you will get car sick and nauseous. Sometimes you'll just want to arrive at the Promised Land. But the Father will remind you that it was that journey in the wilderness when I experienced a deeper level of love with you.

A New Beginning

This week the DePoy family launched a new church plant, in downtown Grand Rapids! This vision was born from the furnace of Rock Bottom, and is evidence that God always allows for new beginnings and 70 x 7 chances.

"The Awakening Church" is meeting inside a Homeless Shelter on Division Avenue, because of course. Jesus.

You helped set up all the chairs and tables, and handed out bibles. You sat in the front row with your sisters and Teresa and you took communion and you sang the songs. And at the end of it all, the only thing I cared about: You ran up to give me the best. hug. ever.

I want you to know that my (unhidden) agenda is to make my daughters proud of me. I don't want your last memory of me preaching to have been the disaster that was Exodus Church. I really want you to be proud of me, and if nothing else happens - I'll be happy with your hug.

By the way, my first sermon at The Awakening Church was about people being invited to the party... all of the homeless and poor and broken, welcome at the Table of grace. I concluded with the story of you and I at the Daddy/Daughter dance at Valentine's Day. So you were beaming with pride, as my middle daughter. I couldn't stop crying all day. Tears of joy!

Sometimes I Just Miss You

Today is one of those days. We were supposed to go up north to a cabin in Elk Rapids. We paid for it last April, to get away together as a family, and enjoy the scenery. We've been looking forward to this weekend for quite sometime.

Until, of course, your theatre teacher demanded that you have rehearsal this weekend. And if you miss the rehearsal, you'll potentially get cut from your role in the Fall Play (A Christmas Story). So I'm caught in the paradox of wanting to spend quality time with you, but not sacrificing your role in theatre. I don't want you to resent me, but I    h a t e    the fact that Kevin Schneider sees more of you than I do.

So instead of taking the whole family, Teresa and I will be heading up north as a couple. I'm sure we'll enjoy the time at the cabin, but there will always be a nostalgic sadness whenever I look behind the driver's seat in the rearview mirror, and wonder where Ambria Faith is.

I miss you like crazy right now. My heart is always sad, whenever you're not with me.

Sixth Grade Challenges

Once again, the school season has brought new adventures for you. You are starting a brand new school at Holland East Middle School. You are navigating the chaotic hallways with urgency, because tardiness is punishable by death, apparently. You still hang out with the family cast of characters "Uby" and Adelle, and Emma, Eleanor, Atiana, and others.

Of course you're back on the soccer field, like a boss! Adelle's dad is your soccer coach, and this season you've gone undefeated so far! How awesome is that?? It is definitely a lot more fun when you win!

And to top things off, you've picked up the violin! You've been faithful to practice, learning to read the notes and hitting them with great intensity! You played "Happy Birthday" to me last week, for my 43rd year.

I love your heart, Ambria. You make me so proud. Every time I look at you, and the young woman that you're becoming. 

Boating on Torch Lake

A few weeks ago, we spend the weekend camping up in Elk Rapids. Our family rented a rustic cabin, and the Wolf family brought their RV as well. We had s'mores, bonfires, and Hobo Pies... We spend the afternoon on the beach, and told stories at night.

And as it turns out, we have become the "Bucket List" family! You girls are all obsessed with their youtube channel, and we even ordered the Action Buffs, to proudly display our spirit of adventure. On Sunday, we rented a pontoon boat, and you girls took turns jumping into Torch Lake, and standing in waste-deep sand, in the middle of beautiful water.

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Summer Camp [ A Return to the Chaos!]

You've been waiting for a few months now, and the week is finally upon us! I mean, seriously, do you realize how fortunate and blessed you are? Grace Adventures Youth Camp has become a wonderful escape from the dog days of Summer... and a pivotal paradigm shift in your spiritual formation.

They provide a website for parents to follow along each day, with your pictures. I am sitting here in my office each morning, logging into the website to see what my Ambria is up to at camp. I see pictures of a young warrior, brave and tenderhearted. I see you shooting a bow, and running races, swimming and laughing... I see you coming into your own. I see you taking risks and gaining self-confidence. And this, I know, is because we have raised you to find your voice and scream!

Chicago Color Run!

Not many people can say, (at 11 years old) "I ran a 5k through downtown Chicago, in 95' heat!"

But you, my champion, nailed it like a boss! You got blasted with powder and water and rainbow paint - and as the color dye burned into your skin and sweat, you powered your way through the finish line. Teresa and Ashlyn followed behind, and Amie and Ethan trailed in in your wake.

Afterwards we all went to Montrose Beach on the north end of the city, and the heat index remained unbearable. But you and Ella played in the water and swam like fishes. At one point a couple of Mexican boys pushing an ice cream cart walked by. You ran up to them and charmed a free ice-cream bar from them, without having a penny to spend. I have a feeling that is a foreshadow of things to come!

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Walking and Talking Wherever and Whatever

One of our favorite things to do is to simply take long walks. Yesterday afternoon we were finally able to get outside and enjoy the first taste of spring. You are 11 years old now, and I'm so glad that you still love to take walks with me!

We went to the Grand River Park in Jenison, and took unfamiliar trails that led to muddy fields. There were no pheasants, only the sunshine. We talked endlessly about "would you rather..." and I told you all about the movies that I made with Uncle Jon. You were laughing so hard at the stories of the "Musky Joe Series", and "Vacation From Hell", and "What Evil People Do".

When the trail ended, you wanted to keep walking. You asked me what kind of animal most resembles you. I said, the snow leopard. Like in the movie Walter Mitty. Because you are an introvert, and beautiful, and elusive.

You considered me to be an elephant (?!) because I'm strong, but I'm also gentle. Those are two of my favorite characteristics, and I couldn't have been more happy to hear that's how you consider me.

I love spending time with you, and walking and watching you grow up!

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More Pictures From Our Cruise

Your First Cruise (To Mexico!)

For Spring Break this year, we all went as a family on a Carnival Cruise to Cozumel. The first night we drove through Chicago and got deep dish pizza at Gino's East (of course!), then stayed with the Rickert Family in Downer's Grove. The next morning we jumped on a plane and flew to Tampa, Florida! We spent the next full day on Clearwater Beach!

Our cruise took us from Tampa, Florida to Cozumel Mexico, and back. It was the funnest 5 days we've ever had! You girls danced, sang, and swam in the pool - soaking up the sun's rays. We all got along so well, and I loved watching you play with your sisters. You were pretty mesmerized by the live shows, especially the Cruise Director of Entertainment - Jaime.

We took so many pictures, but here are some of my favorites!

Happy Birthday! (11 Years Old)!

Last night we celebrated your birthday dinner at our traditional favorite place: Salt & Pepper.

It was so fun to go around the table and each of shared what our favorite character quality is about you.

Ashlyn said that she thinks you are funny and "willy smart".

Mariah said that you are brave and athletic and willing to take new risks.

Teresa said that your brain is always searching for food! You take time to think through things and process information before making a decision!

And I said that you have the heart of a lion [fearless!]
And I said that you have the heart of a lamb [tender!]

Afterwards we shared gifts... you and Mariah each got a new pair of Chaco sandals. You loved them, and can't wait to wear them on our cruise! You also got a new bath bombs for a bubble bath. And new Smart Wool socks for skiing, and a ski hat too!

Oh, and then out of nowhere, Teresa started choking on a french fry. I mean, legitimately CHOKING!

She started gasping and coughing, and almost threw up water... We cleared out the booth really quickly, and I ran over and began to hit her in the center of her back really hard, to no avail. So then I wrapped my arms around her from behind, and performed the Heimlich Maneuver. FINALLY she caught her breath, and the whole restaurant was watching! It was crazy and scary, and I am pretty sure you will never forget this birthday dinner!

Our Favorite Night Of the Year!

The annual "Daddy/Daughter Dance" at Frederick Meyer Gardens has become our favorite tradition. Last night we got all dressed up and went a little early so that we could tour through the butterfly exhibit, and do the scavenger hunt! I must say that I think we nailed it.

After touring the butterfly exhibit, we went back into the main ball room, and took our seat at the tables where you beat me in a coloring contest, and then the dancing started! As soon as the music starting pumping, it was out time to shine. "The DePoy's are here!"

We refused to dance normal. Actually, you chose instead to flop around like a fish and throw your arms around like a crazy person. While everyone else was dancing tenderly in the arms of their father, you were pretending to spray everyone with your farts and flap your wings.

Some of the new dances that we invented:

"The Life Cycle of the Butterfly" (In this brilliant display, you curled up in a ball on the floor like a cocoon, then slowly rose up and twirled around, until you flapped your wings and flew around the dance floor!"

Then we said, "we call this one, 'Playing football'."  (You hiked me the ball and then ran across the ball room through all of the other dancers, all the way down to the hallway, then you pretended to catch the invisible ball and run back to me, celebrating the touchdown!)

We did similar things like: "Starting the Lawn Mower" and "Playing Frisbee"

In the end, I'm pretty sure everyone else thought we were either crazy or brave or super fun. But either way, we had a blast, and I can't wait to do it all again next year! 

Your Love Language

Quality Time.

That is what you need. You crave to be given undivided attention; to be listened to without interruption. Your heart aches for intentional affection, and the kind of love that is only demonstrated through quality time.

So daddy/daughter dates become the highlight of your week. We try to rotate Saturdays... breakfast at Anna's House, and long conversations. You love to talk about the latest Harry Potter book, or things that are happening at school.

Lately you and Ashlyn have been fighting a lot. It seems you are beginning to resent her for "hogging all of the attention." She is constantly sitting on Teresa's lap, and needs to be involved in everything we do. So it's hard for you to get 1-on-1 time with us.

But when we do, you come alive! You are happy, and hold my hand. You know how much I love to be with you, and you also realize that there is NO DADDY who could possibly love his daughter more than I LOVE YOU!

Of the five love languages, Quality Time is definitely yours.