Finishing the Course, STATE FINALS!!!

 Although your little diesel heart is running on fumes, you knew this was your last battle. It has been bittersweet and nostalgic for you to stretch out and warm up with your team... lining up with your sister and knowing this was your last dance together. 

You mentioned that you had emotionally checked out a long time ago, but you had been selected as the team captain, so you felt obligated to put on a smile and encourage the others around you. Keeping up the Dutch Spirit for the sake of team unity was more important than your own immediate desires. 

The entire community showed up for paid parking to watch the regional invitational at Allendale High School. We found your tent, but by the time we arrived you were already stretching out near the start line. 

So Teresa and I split up to cheer you on at different vantage points along the trail. Grandma Judy (and Keegan!) followed along, and my dad hobbled to the faint, white, spray paint line to anticipate the runners flying by.

A golf cart turns the corner first, inevitably followed close behind by Emma from West Ottawa. She's the best runner in the state, and has already received a scholarship to Michigan State University next year... then a couple more runners closely behind her. 

And there you - flying around the corner, always near the front of the pack! 

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So here's the deal. You don't appreciate it now, but one day you will. You feel my love bombs and perhaps a little invaded by my aggressive cheering. But one day you will always remember that your dad had your back 100%, and that since your birth I have been your BIGGEST FAN! 

As you were running by, I yelled: "Give it everything you've got. This is your last race; leave it all on the field. Nothing left! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!"

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Something must have snapped inside of you, 3/4 of the way through the race. You turned your speed up to an eleven at the risk of blowing your diesel engine. But it kept beating, and with every step you separated yourself from the others. You kept passing people, until the final leg approached the grand stand bleachers. I had already been waiting for you at the finish line. In my mind I had this idyllic vision of you collapsing into the arms of your father, like a movie scene. 

I had to squint. 

Wait.

Is that...?

Ambria!!! 

You were flying toward the finish line, setting a season PR, with nobody around you. You had distanced yourself from the others, and left it all on the field. *Literally. 

And in the end, your coach Meagan came over with your timer and enthusiastically shouted, "You made it! You made the state qualifier! You're an individual runner, representing Holland at the STATE FINALS next week! 

So there you were, surrounded by friends and family - finally getting the honor you deserve. It was a bittersweet moment which meant that you had to rally yet again for one. more. race. 

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Friday Night Lights!

 This has become our favorite season for so many reasons. But this season in particular... Jacob has been absolutely incredible on the football field. Every Friday night we gather and scream and jump and clap and watch as he scores touchdown after touchdown!

Now my dad and mom are getting in on the action! We sit in front of Daniel and Melissa and all high-five while Jacob runs his way to All-Conference! I'm proud of him, for so many reasons!

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The End of The Beginning

Driving to church the other day, just you and I. I looked over at you and see the little girl who used to follow me around with this big, hazelnut eyes. You were so trusting, so courageous. If I asked you to jump from a cliff into my arms, you wouldn't hesitate. If I encouraged you to climb a mountain in your first few steps... you would give it your best effort - until you'd reach for me to carry you. I remember sitting on top of the Blue Ridge Parkway from a mountain overview, holding you up to see forever and ever. 

And now, as we drive... you are quiet. One word answers. I'm trying to get you to open up. I ask you open-ended questions in an effort to engage your heart. I'm realizing this is the end of the beginning, because in just a few months you will be turning 18, and then I'm afraid I'll hardly ever get to see you. 

Would you still come around to see us, simply because you enjoy our quality time? Will you miss our talks and our movie nights and family dinners? What will become of our summer trips to Torch Lake and cabin rentals over New Year's vacation? Would you ever call me just to say hello, and/or "just because"? 

I asked you to reflect on your final year of school. I ask you two questions:

What are you most proud of?

 You answer, the determination to finish Cross Country, despite a growing hatred of the competitive running. You are so burned out on the exhausting course, and yet - as team captain, you decided to finish strong for the sake of the team morale. You maintained a positive vibe, and encouraged your teammates. You also referenced your pride in finishing the first semester of your senior year which was "brutal" taking a college course as well as running in Cross Country. All of this while maintaining a 4.0 GPA. 

What are your regrets? What would you change?

At first you said, "none." But we both know, that's not true. I think you regret trying to so hard to be in the circle of friends that have proven to not care about you. You've lost sleep over being left out, and you gave up trying. 

We all have regrets. I told you that I live with a small journal full of trophies and pride. And then I have a bible full of regrets. I would have should have could have been a better father, husband, son, and friend. I have to live with the scars. And I have a choice now to live with the mistakes and try to move forward with more humility and wisdom. 

I asked you who you think might get married first - you or Mariah? 

"Ohhhh, I have no idea!" you said. And I predicted it could be the same season! Mariah is now dating Blake and they seem really happy. I just want all of my daughters to be treated like the queens that they are!

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