The End of The Beginning

Driving to church the other day, just you and I. I looked over at you and see the little girl who used to follow me around with this big, hazelnut eyes. You were so trusting, so courageous. If I asked you to jump from a cliff into my arms, you wouldn't hesitate. If I encouraged you to climb a mountain in your first few steps... you would give it your best effort - until you'd reach for me to carry you. I remember sitting on top of the Blue Ridge Parkway from a mountain overview, holding you up to see forever and ever. 

And now, as we drive... you are quiet. One word answers. I'm trying to get you to open up. I ask you open-ended questions in an effort to engage your heart. I'm realizing this is the end of the beginning, because in just a few months you will be turning 18, and then I'm afraid I'll hardly ever get to see you. 

Would you still come around to see us, simply because you enjoy our quality time? Will you miss our talks and our movie nights and family dinners? What will become of our summer trips to Torch Lake and cabin rentals over New Year's vacation? Would you ever call me just to say hello, and/or "just because"? 

I asked you to reflect on your final year of school. I ask you two questions:

What are you most proud of?

 You answer, the determination to finish Cross Country, despite a growing hatred of the competitive running. You are so burned out on the exhausting course, and yet - as team captain, you decided to finish strong for the sake of the team morale. You maintained a positive vibe, and encouraged your teammates. You also referenced your pride in finishing the first semester of your senior year which was "brutal" taking a college course as well as running in Cross Country. All of this while maintaining a 4.0 GPA. 

What are your regrets? What would you change?

At first you said, "none." But we both know, that's not true. I think you regret trying to so hard to be in the circle of friends that have proven to not care about you. You've lost sleep over being left out, and you gave up trying. 

We all have regrets. I told you that I live with a small journal full of trophies and pride. And then I have a bible full of regrets. I would have should have could have been a better father, husband, son, and friend. I have to live with the scars. And I have a choice now to live with the mistakes and try to move forward with more humility and wisdom. 

I asked you who you think might get married first - you or Mariah? 

"Ohhhh, I have no idea!" you said. And I predicted it could be the same season! Mariah is now dating Blake and they seem really happy. I just want all of my daughters to be treated like the queens that they are!

.