Campus Tour: Saginaw Valley State University

We woke up before dawn, and stumbled our way through the kitchen toward the coffee. We load up the Mazda 6 and type in the GPS for the coordinates to Saginaw. It's too early to talk, so you plug in your road trip playlist and Zach Bryan sings to us as we drive east...

I look over and you're curled up in a ball in the passenger seat. You missed the sunrise, as I stare into the bright colors. The November sky is dark and cryptic, and the clouds give way to scattered showers. We only brought one umbrella for this campus tour, but that's ok. You can have it. I'm just glad to walk with you.

As you sleep, a few tears form a getaway run and I had a flashback: I'm driving home from Chicago, early in the morning - to help Mariah move into her freshman dorm at Grand Valley State University. I'm literally sobbing to Teresa as I tell her all of my regrets as a dad. This memory stirs more emotions... now here I am again, crying as I transport my Diesel Engine Baby Girl to visit her possible college destination. I have flashbacks of climbing Craggy Gardens together, and you kept tripping over the rocks and roots and steps and with muddy knees, you reach for me. I scoop you up and carry you up the mountain. And then flashbacks of the time we went snowboarding in Jackson Hole. You were so frustrated because of the icy conditions that you fell on your butt and yelled at me, "I told you I wasn't ready for this!" So I sat with you halfway down the icy mountain and together we walked all the way back down. 

As you slowly wake up, we talk about what to expect on this day. You are visibly nervous, but also excited. We find our parking spot and immediately notice the myriad of other students who are competing for the "President's Scholarship", which will be determined by your impromptu essay on this day. The other students are all dressed up... one kid was wearing a tuxedo. But we are DePoys, and I size up the competition as you smile, knowing who my child is and where she is going!

We line up inside and you take the registration packet. We find our way to the circular table surrounded by 150 other people as they administration welcomes prospective students. Blah blah blah, you each are the best of the best. Then they dismiss you each according to your chosen academic majors. Nursing - Health and Human Services - exit left. 

You leave independently as I kiss your forehead. And you're off to flex your mad skills as a writer. The prompt for your essay is: "How has your high school prepared you for this college, and what will you take away from what you've learned."  You begin to write about your experience in student leadership. The Hope College next-generation of leadership development. You write about being nominated as a team captain for Cross Country, and all of the responsibility that comes with reluctant leadership. You weren't screaming for attention, you just lead by example. 

By the time you return, I'm sitting at a table with other anxious parents. I note how beautiful you are in comparison to the other students, and how you walk into the room with such confidence. You shrugged when I asked you how it went, and assumed that it went "pretty good I think." We listen to a few more faculty presentations about choosing the university that is the best fit for each particular student. I couldn't agree more... the more we walk the campus, I become more comfortable with the idea of you spending the next four years here.

We are dismissed for lunch, and make our way to the massive cafeteria. There are assigned tables for our dining, so we set our stuff down and scatter through the myriad of buffet options. Once we've inhaled the delicious food, you fold up a piece of paper and challenge me to a game of table football, flicking the paper to the edge of the table for a point. Then kicking the extra point, I win. Ashlyn calls and interrupts our game, asking for my assistance. She is on her lunch break at HHS and puts me on speaker phone to play "Would you rather..." with one of her classmates. Apparently I'm talking loudly because everyone around us looks over to me while I ask ridiculous things like, "Would you rather fall down a flight of stairs and land on your eye socket, dislodging your pupil and leaving you concussed - O R ...." 

After the final faculty presentation, we choose to take an unguided tour of the campus together. It's just you and I, wandering around an otherwise empty campus. It's Friday, and it seems like everyone has left for the weekend. I watch you as you casually stroll down the sidewalk, across the corridor, and into other facilities across the campus. We walk through open doors and empty hallways, disappointed that the Starbucks is closed for the day. Across the yard is large library with several floors... We walk inside and all around, getting a feel for the vibe on campus. It appears that there are a lot of places to hunker down and study or read or rest. We don't talk. We walk in silence, and I can tell that you are trying to imagine what your life would look like on the average day, if you were to attend this university. I'm having flashbacks of your toddler self, the way you used to absorb information and ponder new experiences. When you were little you were so believing and trusting and curious and even now, it translates to a young woman who is willing to walk across Switzerland and travel independently and snowboard off the reservation and get lost in the wonder and the wander of it all...

After a full day of walking, we finally retire to the Mazda. "One more thing..." you said. "We have to drive 7 minutes away to explore the campus of Delta Community College." So we type in the GPS and take the country road leaving Saginaw Valley State University. Upon arrival, we turn down a long driveway and realize there is a road that literally loops around the tiny campus, with a row of single-floor buildings. This is where Jacob would be living and attending his college classes. You've got it all planned out. As we drive, it doesn't take long to realize how inexplicably small the campus is. We couldn't even identify the on campus housing... You are trying to envision how Jacob would feel here, seven minutes from where you would be studying. It occurs to me that there's not a single concern that you two haven't discussed and analyzed at length. 

As we exit toward the highway for our return home, I look over at you as you stare out at the cornfields in late autumn. It's quite here, and a fairly straight highway back to your roots. 

"Ok, so... what are your thoughts?" I ask you. 

"I like it! I don't know what Mariah was talking about (her criticism of the outdated campus came as a point of confusion to us), this is a really nice campus." When I ask you if this is where you feel confident about committing to, you answer with the kind of practical conservatism that exposes your maturity: "It depends on if I win the Presidential Scholarship."

A few minutes later, we have continued to drive in reflective silence. You've made an awesome playlist for us to listen to on Spotify. I ask you how you're feeling after a long day of exploration. I was expecting you to confess excitement, or uncertainty, and perhaps a sting of fear of moving into the next state of your life. 

You answer quietly, "Old." 

I nodded, with empathy. I said, "Ask me how I'm feeling." 

You looked over at me and said, "Ok dad, how are you feeling?" 

I echo your answer. "Old." 

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